Writing a letter to your children
Writing a letter to your children feels impossible only as long as you believe it has to say everything. In practice, a good letter is two pages long and takes one evening. Here is how to write it.
Write to a person, not to posterity
The difficulty almost always comes from the same mistake: trying to write a text for the ages instead of writing to someone specific. Pick one child, picture them reading, and speak the way you would on the phone.
If you have several children, write several short letters rather than one long shared one. Each keeps their own — and that is exactly what gives the gesture its weight.
What a letter should contain
The letters people re-read twenty years later are not the solemn ones, they are the concrete ones. One true detail beats a paragraph of advice.
- A precise memory of your child, with an approximate date and place.
- Something you understood late, and wish you had known earlier.
- One thing you are proud of in them, stated without conditions.
- What you hope for them, without turning it into an expectation.
What to leave out
Avoid settling scores, however gently: a letter read after you are gone allows no reply. Avoid material instructions too — those belong in a will, not a letter.
Finally, do not attach a release date ("read this at 40") unless you are sure someone will enforce it. A letter delivered too late is a letter lost.
Keep it where it will actually be found
A handwritten letter in a drawer has roughly even odds of being discovered at the right moment. The safest approach is to keep the original at home and a scanned copy in a shared family space your relatives already use.
Simply tell one trusted person that the letter exists and where it is. It is the step everyone forgets, and the only one that guarantees delivery.
Frequently asked questions
At what age should I write this letter?
There is no right age. Most people write it after a turning point: a birth, a diagnosis, a move. A letter written too early can be rewritten; a letter never written cannot be recovered.
Should it be handwritten?
Handwriting carries real emotional value, but paper gets lost and fades. The best of both: write it by hand, then photograph or scan the page so a readable copy survives.
Can I record an audio message instead?
Yes, and many people speak far better than they write. A voice carries something text cannot. Keep a written transcript alongside it — easier to find and to preserve over decades.
Solexi does not replace a legal will, a notary or a lawyer. Solexi helps you gather, organize and pass on your information.